She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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