My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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