allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
