yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
