just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
