Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
