she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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