whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
