craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
