What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
