In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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