Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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