Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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