Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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