I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
