Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just pee around me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
