Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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