wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
