My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize