wrigley field is MILF paradise
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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