he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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