I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
