I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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