he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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