look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
