Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
