how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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