6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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