Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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