Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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