get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize