yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
