Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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