what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
