Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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