Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
