Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
