he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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