Pappa wants mamma naked
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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