# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
