I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You did what with his pubic hair?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
