I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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