I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
