Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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