she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
