I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
