It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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