After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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