He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
