So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
