I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did i just pee glitter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize