if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
