Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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