even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
