So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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