3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
