when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
