HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
