I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
