I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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