did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
