Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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