You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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