Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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