You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
