Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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