I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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