No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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