I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
