do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
