You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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