Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
