one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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