She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
