she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
