Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
