I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
