He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
