having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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