the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
