I wish I could teleport
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
