My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
