I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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